when I watch old videos of me (like 2014 and before), it feels wrong to even be called by (deadname) because the way I sound, the way I look and the behaved is so different to what I am now, it feels like I just have memories stolen from someone else. Also a bit of another thing, a day or 2 ago (I have already forgotten when exactly) I saw someone that I think was from my original primary school that I left in 2014 and haven't seen since at least 2018 (my younger sister went there which is why the date is 2018 instead of 2014) but if it is them, they didn't recognise me, I look like a completely different person, I never really had long hair until the last couple of years (I sort of have wanted long hair though for several years though) I look older too and my voice has changed (although I was only walking by without talking). This honestly makes me now think that measuring people's physical age is very misleading because I wasn't the same person as (what is supposedly me 16 years ago), same with 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago, I would honestly say I am actually about 3 years old, even then you could say no because I wasn't called Hayley-Jamie Clygro back then, but I think my thoughts and opinions then start to be close enough to mine today, but if you think of it when I came up with that name, then I am a few months old. Mentally I am fuck knows (also probably a silly measurement). I think that physical age is just an arbitrary number that really should be nowhere near as important as it should be. (I shouldn't just be suddenly be able to magically do more stuff on the 16th November 2024 just because I am physically 18 years old).