AAAAAAAaaaaaiiiieeeeee alsjfkskdksllsk

first #transjoy moment ive ever had in my life tbh

fkshfksjfjlskskssss

@detondev wonderful, there’s no better ally to have than sisters

holy shit im learning so much family lore i didn't know from my older sister. apparently the reason we don't really interact much with my aunt anymore is cause she came out as lesbian after divorcing her ex-husband? what the fuck?

okay so my sister and i have discussed some possibilities of places i could live for free so i can escape and transition as soon as possible

- stay with my lesbian aunt and her partner
- stay in a convent using her many nun connections
- stay in a queer youth home

all sound like banger options compared to what im doing now, the first two could be possible to start while in the closet if i make the right excuses to mom and dad, the last would require outing myself right off the bat so thats a last resort

my sister's really thinking about my future more than me lol, she's sending me links to job opportunities and talking about taking me clothes shopping and shit meanwhile im just trying to SURVIVE yall ^_^

Today was a special day. I wore girl clothes in front of another human being for the first time.

I visited my sister at the catholic-place-of-some-sort she lives in for the first time since coming out to her, and in her room she offered me some stuff from her closet and said the nuns wouldn't come in while I was there. The clothes she dressed me up in were all very modest, very tradwife, very ethel cain coded lol. I was supposed to do math homework with her, but my mind and heart felt overwhelmed and I just wobbled around on the verge of tears without getting much done. Also I passed out on her bed by accident from sleep deprivation

in less happy news, we briefly talked about... the election. cause of course we had to. apparently due to the election she's considering possibly going to Canada or England in 2 years for the PhD she's working towards, and asked if i'd like to come along. i'm skeptical of both of those as good places to be trans ngl, and about how much might trump change by then that could affect my ability to leave in the first place, so i really don't know.

also she's a fan of that "vision from god" idea i talked about yesterday, heh

@detondev i am so happy that you have options and someone looking after you.
at the very least - passing as cis when going through borders is already an important skill. i can only imagine it getting worse

@lilli thank you! now i gotta work out escaping and getting on hrt so i can do it in public instead of in my sister's tiny apartment with christ's eyes on me as he hangs bored to death all day on that damn crucifix ^_^

my sister and i are going into the city to see an art museum today. she didn't even tell me what it is, so i'm just waddling along after her onto the train and i'm gonna be surprised by everything lol

apparently my grandma is arguing with my sister's therapist after my family was told that my sister didn't want to come for thanksgiving because she finds the environment traumatic, wake up babe new family drama dropped

remembering the time years ago my older sister needed a model for her painting about women's rights in saudi arabia, and had me dress up in girl clothes and wear this big ass headcovering and shit

if there's a god they wanna see me WIN lol

YALL i just found out my sister sketched me last time i was over at her place

@detondev wow that's so cool!

my sister sends me lots of shallow neoliberal feminist poptimist songs to express her support for me and i love her for it

like yes i WILL listen to scars to your beautiful even though i last heard it from a fashion commercial, cause i know you just wanted to tell me im a girlboss by sending it

the first thing i did this year was tell my sister my name is ena. i hadn't done that in my coming out email cause i was more worried about "committing" then ig.

visiting my sister again