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not safe for recreational use

happy to talk to any other critter on here, just posting whatever im into at the moment

am an adult
"passing"
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me: accepts that ill probably never really pass and just stop trying entirely. learn to enjoy being a bit of a freak

friend: i keep forgetting you arent cis

online friend who ive been playing games with for months, who ive shared pictures with even: youre trans? huh, news to me

wow ok. there goes all my hopes and dreams of being a confusing inbetween forever
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new contender for worst auditory hallucination: person screaming
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acknowledges ur existance

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i have the urge to make a silly little "game"/project. honestly just an excuse to make models and textures and code thingies.

and i think it might be the perfect excuse to finally give godot a look.
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repeated

thinking about how sometimes when modern led street lights begin to fail their phosphor gets burned up allowing more and more of the near ultra-violet light to shine through making them bluer and bluer and that maybe some day the image of an "old broken street light" will be a pale purple instead of the orange glow of a sodium-vapor lamp and i think that's kinda cool actually

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its a bit entertaing and also frustrating that all the good voice training videos only teach you how to do like the american valley girl voice

and then like trolls on vrchat or omegle or whatever can do like the best dommy mommy voice (or other interesting voices) ever but dont know how to explain it beyond "just raise ur larynx bro"
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how does one improve their posting, are there classes on it
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need to learn more card games i think. was playing paskahousu with a friend in tabletop sim and genuinely had an amazing time
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the realization that some niche internet community has had a bigger impact on ur life than any 'real' friend u have ever had
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mh-
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overwhelming sadness and regret sure does fuck with ones ability to sleep.
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dumb thing which im more emotional about than i should be
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i feel unreasonable for still thinking about this months later but it kinda bothers me that as a bday present my mother offered to buy me new boots, something which i hadnt ever had befor and was excited about, then basically just drug me around the mall until i got super overstimulated and upset and picked the first cheap thing that fit because i wanted out and was under the impression we were on a tight budget, and then only after explained to me that its normal and expected to spend a bit on boots cause good ones will last you years or decades if taken care of properly. so now i have something cheap and tacky that im a bit emberassed of thats already showing signs of coming apart instead of what i really wanted which i thought wasnt a practical option
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no electricity kinda blows
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blood, bugs, needles, bad
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going around with a syringe and taking all the blood back from the bity bugs and injecting it into myself

thatll teach em to steal from me
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guns
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oh i love hearing gunfire in the middle of the night, thats not concerning and distracting at all
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cartoons of milk
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Edited 5 months ago
hrt
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im happy to be able to be on it but i am so fucking sick of trying to keep up with taking 3 pills on time every single day, missing doses due to either forgetting or being busy and then feeling shitty for hours, not being able to get an accurate idea of what my levels really are on blood tests due to levels fluctuating throughout the day (and the clinic is far away so long drive)

i want to switch to injections so bad
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hello today i will sing the wrong name at a birthday party and then die
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playing with the idea of using paper snowflakes as stencils, maybe can reuse some of these old shirts i never wear
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ive got some tshirts i dont intend to wear anymore, some acrylic paints, and a desire to make something new
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:(
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keep feeling like theres something i could have said or done or not said or not done and really just wanting to talk at all
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